My friend didn’t get kidnapped or anything on her date, she had fun but isn’t gonna get back with her ex. I don’t feel worried anymore and I feel a bit content x)

So I punched my desk when I was mad a couple days ago and my knuckle still hurts.

So far today sucks

FUCK! ….

adhfbv;jlanslhkj;djbdns;fvkdns;fdfks;kvjds;kvnjdsfjnvkbjafinvkalfv ca

I can’t get this memory out of my head… My friend got jumped. I was there. He was my friend but all I did was tell the other kid to back off. But that other kid that stomped on pab’s head was my student, my confirmation student. He went to the same church as me, he was basically a friend. At least I considered him to be so. I couldn’t hit him. How was I supposed to? One of my best friends got jumped and I didn’t do shit. This was 2-3 years ago. But… idk. I’m a shit friend. I couldn’t hit the other dude. I always think about fucking people up. But when I’m around people I don’t feel like I can harm anyone. Except for maybe 4 people? Idk. I’m just scared that I’d hurt people too much. I don’t want to cause any permanent damage to anyone. But I would probably break the bones in my fists before I could kill anyone.

I hope I win this bid on ebay! If I do win, then I get the wheelset I want for $27 ^___^ assuming no one else bids on it

Dude, I don’t wanna vote for any of these guys as president.

I was thinking about voting for Santorum, just a little. But then I read he would ban pornography. 

I haven’t cuddled, held hands, kissed or fucked in almost a year or 2. I’m deprived, I’m craving, and it’s making me want like every attractive girl I see. I can’t concentrate on one person, I don’t like it. 

Anyways, I went to this vans store for the first time (first time in that specific location) and there was this hot girl. Well, she was cute but my distorted perception makes the ladies look better. Anyway, I felt stupid? naw, I felt… like I shoulda showered before I went there :p

I did something without realizing it again today.

I don’t like it. It bothers me immensely that I do things without thought. I checked myself off after I signed in for class. Its not a big deal but that’s still something. What if I hit someone without thinking. I don’t want to cause any emotional fluctuations for something I do without caring.

I wish I could remember everything that happened on another day where I also did something without realizing it. I think I threw away an in-n-out bag but it still had food in it. I threw it away because it looked like trash on the table. It didn’t fit. It stood out so much that I had to put it near other things that looked like it. Probably. I want to know the date of that day, what I ate, what that day was like before the event. I hate forgetting things. 

Today, I think I did that because my eyes were focused on the top half of the page. I assessed that everyone who signed in also had a check mark on it and those that haven’t signed in yet didn’t have a check mark. I followed the pattern intuitively and made a check mark without realizing it. 5/2/12 Ate a lot of fresh and easy cookies that expires on today. Ate another cookie given to me by a friend which I don’t know the brand. Also ate cereal, pancit, white rice and egg rolls. Lots of water. Went to spanish class walked Anni around till her ride came, went to my locker twice, parked in the stadium walked there. Talked to glue about science, math, schools and future(both relatively and theoretically). 

Hypothesis: I think I’ve solved so many puzzles on unblock me that I got used to acting out patterns. I’ve solved 1109 puzzles. [I thought I solved 1200. Oh well.] Continuous repetition and moving my fingers instinctively after assessing patterns have transfigured into actual actions based on scanning random things at specific events.

Things that were different today. 5/2/12

Actually had a conversation with Glue today. When not in class. Talking to classmates outside of class about random things is not something I normally do. I’ve probably only had real conversations with about 6 people in my high school, out of like a hundred people I know there. Glue is a nick name by the way. He always caught his passes in football and he held onto it good.

Pablo acted a bit differently, can’t say the cause. Jesse as well. Based on the minor observations I made and the sensory information that stuck with me, it has to deal with emotions arisen during the time they saw something. They probably don’t know what went through their head either. Thoughts can go by like a bullet. I feel that desires were the cause of their behavior. Possibly. If I was in their shoes and saw something I wanted, I would feel slightly jealous, want what they have, be mad at my current situation based on the situation on another, feel the lack of attention, and not feel or have confidence after looking at someone else. I feel that I look at people and catch myself in envy, and I feel like other people can be envious of me. Although I’m probably egotistic/narcissistic and thinks the world revolves around me. Seeing someone observe you is interesting. Thats what they were doing. I feel like I had too much attention with my windbreaker and shoes. idk. I overthink things and think I’m special. I should stop.

My parents have been acting happier lately. 

Veronica has been giving an effort to talk to me.

Same with Anni.

Rebecca is becoming my friend.

Everything else was relatively normal.